We all love being comfortable. There’s familiarity in being at ease. That’s probably why we love our comfort zones. It is predictable, safe an easy. It does not rock the boat or require much effort or thought. You can switch to auto-pilot mode and do what needs to be done, without too much exertion.
A comfort zone can be defined as ‘a place or situation where one feels safe or at ease and without stress’. That sounds like a decent place, even a contented place to be. But it’s also a dangerous place. Because, where there is no (short term, healthy stress), no growing takes place. A comfort zone is a place where nothing gets challenged, especially not your capacity.
There is a term in psychology, referred to as the ‘mere-exposure effect’. This effect explains that people tend to develop a preference for things merely because they are familiar with them. Familiarity breeds liking. This would suggest that you will eat the same meal at a specific restaurant. You know it, have survived it previously and because your brain recognizes this, it ‘steers’ you toward it. Better the devil you know, then the devil you don’t!
We are comfortable with what we know. Therefore, many people stay in unhealthy friendships, dysfunctional relationships or unsatisfactory jobs. They long for something better, they even acknowledge they warrant something better, but the daunting thought of the unknown, paralyzes.
What is interesting, is that the research of the ‘mere-exposure effect’ indicate that we can literally double or triple the amount of enjoyment we derive from life by doubling or tripling the stimuli to which we acquaint ourselves. For instance, someone who enjoys classical, jazz and hip-hop music will derive more enjoyment from life, then someone who only enjoys rock music. In short, the door to greater enjoyment and satisfaction is as simple as gaining exposure to new stimuli.
So why do we fear the unknown? Why are we hostile to new stimuli? What keeps us from stepping out of that comfort zone?
Firstly, it is easier. Comfort does not require energy. And comfortable feels good!
Also, I cannot get disappointed if I do not put myself out there. It is a safer and more controlled bet.
Thirdly, change requires effort. Growth requires change. And that, sounds like hard work! Let’s face it, who would choose hard work over ease?
But the irony is, that the comfort zone is not necessarily comfortable, simply familiar. And it sometimes takes hard work fighting off the urge to be liberated from unhealthy habits and situations.
The old saying ‘you are either growing or you are dying’, holds much truth. But the part we never tend to focus on much, is that the choice is yours. You are not merely a product of your circumstances or a victim in the story of your life. You have the capacity to choose a different path. You have a responsibility to examine where you are at, and to either make choices steering you towards your ideal life or further away from your ideal life. Socrates claimed that the unexamined life is a life not worth living.
Doing the same thing day in and day out, does not qualify as growing. We cannot stay put. If you are not striving to move forward, you will naturally regress. If you are not consciously striving to better yourself and your circumstances, you cannot continue complaining about how frustrating your life is. In the end, you are the author of your story. The choices you have made, produced the life you are living today.
Not sure where to start? Let’s do something about that.
What if I helped you? What if the lens you have been looking at yourself and your situation, need to be de-fogged? What if the thoughts you are thinking limit your beliefs and your behavior?
Many times, we convince ourselves that change/ happiness/ excellence is beyond us.
What if I told you it is not your capacity, that rendered you stuck in your comfort zone, but your willingness to challenge your capacity! Growth comes with a level of discomfort. Challenges are not easy to go through, but they are life giving and more profound than we may realize. When we get challenged, we get shaped. We step out of auto-pilot, we proof to ourselves that we can survive, we gain a sense of worth when we do things that are tough. It builds confidence in that we can deal with whatever life throws at us. It gives us self-efficacy that we can handle similar situations. It broadens our horizons and gives us purpose!
Challenge yourself. Take the first step. Coaching is an investment in you.
Let’s get you started.