Feeling angry all the time, or being around someone who is always angry, is exhausting and stressful. It steals joy, is a real downer and a sure showstopper for spontaneity. And yet, people worldwide are sadder, angrier and more fearful than ever before, according to Gallup's annual Global State of Emotions report for 2018.
Why does everyone seem angry?
1. Anger is acceptable
Anger has become an acceptable and dominant socially expressed emotion. Just look at our media: Politicians are angry and not ashamed to show it – we are exposed to livid reality TV stars, social media vomits and furious cartoon characters. According to Aaron Balick, social media is partly responsible for the raise in angry people worldwide. “There’s an anger-bandwagon effect: someone expresses it, and this drives someone else to express it as well.” The increasing exposure to frustration on the news, the economy and the country in general, all seem to have contributed to our social condition, to the point where being angry is acceptable. If the only way people feel they will be heard is when they are angry, it might explain why so many people act angry.
2. Learned behavior
Chronic anger is learned behavior. A child growing up in an environment where a parent belittles his spouse, is constantly yelling or putting the other person down, reconstructs this later in life in relationships. Most people who acts angrily may not even realize what they are doing, as this is seen as normal behavior from their perspective.
In the same way, if a child was exposed to someone who influenced others by being hostile, controlling or manipulating, he/ she is likely to copy this unhealthy behavior in relationships. Anger gives a false sense of power.
3. Feel threatened
When one feels unfairly treated, or threatened, the most natural emotion to display is anger. When people experience anger, it’s almost impossible for them not to feel like a victim, as virtually all anger is a reaction to what feels intimidating or unfair. When one feels threatened, they feel unjustifiably attacked, taken advantage of, betrayed, violated, or powerless. And when they feel powerless to change something, they become fearful, leading to anger.
4. Hide other emotions
Anger can be a tricky emotion because it's often covering up other issues. Anger is sometimes referred to as a secondhand emotion, as it is usually triggered by pain or other feelings. In society anger is seen as a strong emotion, where feelings of vulnerability, rejection or fear are weaker emotions and often associated with inferiority. Anger can also be a substitute emotion. This suggests that sometimes people make themselves angry, so they don't have to feel pain or deal with the real issue. People change their feelings into anger as it is easier to be angry than it is to be in pain. This moving of pain into anger may be done consciously or unconsciously.
5. Bad habit
Rage has an illusion of power. Like any stimulant, being angry has addictive properties: you become habituated to it and start to rove around looking for things to make you angry. You will always find what you are looking for, so if you are looking for reasons to be angry, they will show. Angry people will often justify and defend their behavior as it becomes part if their identity. Another reason anger becomes habitual is that anger has a false sense of reward. However unconsciously, resorting to anger labels the other as culprit—and you as victim. This offers the angry person the “reward” of both relief and consolation.
6. Pleasure
There is an awkward pleasure in getting mad. Even though anger rarely solves anything and frequently makes matters worse, in the moment it still affords some people considerable gratification. Anger, essentially reciprocal in nature, serves the function of restoring to you a sense of righteousness and control, even dignity. The energizing gush of adrenaline accompanying your eruption further accentuates your sense of being mistreated. This suggests that you feel morally superior to whoever or whatever provoked you.
What to do if this is you (or someone close to you):
Angry people are poor communicators and even worse listeners. Their empathy is frail, and they have trouble seeing the other’s point of view. Anger is a powerful emotion that can hurt others and ourselves.
· Be mindful
Stop. Think. Are you someone prone to react before thinking? Take stock of how you handle situations. Ask someone close to you for feedback. You might be unaware of habitual anger. Sometimes we operate in autopilot. Consider your answers and actions. Practice self-control. The first step in dealing with chronic anger is acknowledging continuing anger.
· Two ears, one mouth
We all know the saying, listen quickly and speak slowly. But have you ever considered that we were created with ears open and mouths shut? Practice becoming a better listener. Listen to hear, not to prepare your next answer.
· Bigger picture
Choose your battles. You don’t have to attend every encounter you are invited to. Ask yourself if this will matter in the bigger scheme of things. Focus on seeing the whole picture and not only a snapshot of what is going on.
· Healthy anger
Anger is not a negative emotion. Anger should also not be suppressed. It often provides us with information that allows us to better engage with the world around us. If we see anger in this way, we can adapt our response accordingly to better our position.
· Anger breeds anger
One of the most important things you can do when someone is angry at us is to stay calm. Practice avoiding yelling, swearing, or raising your voice. We may not feel calm in the situation, but we can still act calmly. Sometimes it is wise to disengage and revisit the issue when both parties are calmer.
· Change your outlook
Look for kindness, opportunities, goodness in people and circumstances. Start each day stating 3 things that you are thankful for. Focus on the positive throughout your day and you will start seeing more prospects.