I recently found myself feeling uneasy. More and more out of equilibrium. I couldn't really pinpoint my agitation, I just constantly felt uncomfortable. As if I was running on autopilot, caught up in the quicksand of life. Stuck with my thoughts, stuck with bad habits and stuck in what seemed to be a halfhearted attempt to live life to the fullest. It felt like I was on a treadmill, slowly going nowhere. I had the overwhelming feeling that I was not where I wanted to be, while I also didn’t know where that place was that I was supposed to be.
I felt trapped in a pattern. In all aspects of life - like life lost its spark.
Have you ever felt this way? Like something is eating at you, and you can’t get rid of it. It might manifest in something small like spending too much time on social media, binge watching TV, overeating, drinking too much, or simply being stuck in the same toxic thought patterns. Or it can be a bit more severe like the challenge to reinvent your career, redefine yourself after a failed relationship or finding your feet after a big life event/ trauma.
Whatever it is, the feeling of indifference often leads to the notion that you have lost direction.
I found these 3 refocusing strategies helpful. It gave me the kickstart I needed to recognize the root cause of my feelings, regain a sense of purpose, and build on the momentum I gained.
The Three R’s that got me back on track are:
RECOGNIZE TRIGGERS
What causes one to feel stuck can be complicated. It’s likely that a combination of factors; social & physical influences play a role. However, it’s clear that some events, emotions or experiences may cause discontentment or make it worse. These elements are called triggers. Most people find they have multiple triggers.
Sometimes a simple feeling of resentment or anger can snowball into a discontent episode. What is the root of my irritability? I find the HALT acronym beneficial: it reminds us to take a moment and ask ourselves whether we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. We can be susceptible to self-destructive behavior if these basic needs are not met.
Journaling also seems to be useful. Writing down statements like: “When this happens, I feel like that” helps one to recognize the emotion behind the feeling. Reframing triggers, as feedback is a helpful way to assess what might be potential pitfalls in our future.
REMOVE LABELS
Too often, our minds are fed with negative information. If we simply believe every thought that enters our mind without challenging it, we run the risk of storing these thoughts in our subconscious as our reality. Becoming mindful of what we think about is the crucial first step to stop producing persistent negative thoughts.
Both negative and positive self-talk are extremely loyal. This means that whenever I feed the negative, my “negative” brain will search for examples and evidence of all I believe to be negative in my life. When I feed the positive, it will gather all the evidence of positive inclinations in my life. As Henry Ford said, whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you are right.
REPETITION IS KING
Malcolm Gladwell popularized the 10 000-hour rule in his book Outliers, asserting that the key to achieving expertise is simply a matter of practicing, for at least 10 000 hours.
It is not so much the amount of time we spend on a specific task or thought pattern that will make us overcome it, but the frequency of how often we do it. When we need to change bad behavior, toxic thought patterns or just annoying habits it can seem overwhelming. Establishing new ways of addressing thoughts and activities may seem like small steps, but repeating these bite-sized modifications leads to significant progress and change.
Repetition is a form of change. When we learn something by repetition it is retained for a longer time as we form new patterns in our brains. This is called neuroplasticity and refers to our brain’s ability to rewire or restructure itself when it recognizes the need for adaptation.
The next time you feel stuck, try these easy Three R steps, and remember we are actively shaping our lives every day. Know your triggers, remove any labels that may limit your progress and repeat what you want to see!