Once upon a time in a land far, far away lived the girl who took Offense. She carried Offense with her wherever she went, added to it whenever someone said things she didn’t agree with, whenever things didn’t turn out the way she expected or whenever she felt she wasn’t appreciated enough.
Offense grew. Later the girl couldn’t see past Offense and started to see everything through Offense’s eyes. She would nurture Offense; she would anticipate someone saying something that could add to the heavy weight she was carrying. She tried but she couldn’t put Offense down. Forgiveness knocked on her door, but it sounded like work. ‘Let it go!’ some of the neighbors shouted, but she sort of felt safe with the always present burden.
‘He will smother you!’ they warned but the girl knew that carrying Offense has become part of her identity. She wasn’t sure who she would be if she didn’t hold on; Offense had become a trusted companion. Offense never challenged her and always supported her behavior.
Later, Offense’s brother Bitterness came to visit. He invited Resentment and Hate. The girl felt suffocated, but they assured her there was enough room for them all. No one in town spoke to the girl anymore, the neighbors pretended not to see her when she roamed the streets. Offense, Bitterness, Resentment and Hate whispered, ‘You see, we told you, you were right to not trust them’. The girl carried their weight day in and day out and didn’t recognize Choice when he asked why she seemed tired. Choice offered water but Offense shouted that it was distasteful to offer someone options when they clearly don’t need it. The girl turned her back on Choice and stumbled forth, for a second wishing she’d met him earlier – maybe in a time before Bitterness, Resentment and Hate.
They say offense is taken, not given. We all have reasons to get offended; we all have been mistreated or unfairly judged. Left unaddressed, these wounds from past offenses will wreak havoc in our lives, steal our joy, upset our happiness, and alter the trajectory of our lives. It is a slippery slope of progressive deterioration as unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment are sure to follow.
If we don’t deal with an offense quickly it hinders us from progress and imprisons us to our emotions. More times than what I would have wanted, I’ve had to let an offense go without an apology or the offender being held accountable for his/her words or actions. But holding on to an offense will eat only at your soul – it is like drinking poison while anticipating the offender to die.
No-one can make us feel inferior without our consent. When we are secure in ourselves, we understand that what people say or how they treat us ultimately has very little to do with us. It is a result of their own personal experiences, hurt, assumptions, knowledge, and beliefs.
On the other hand, some of us are too easily upset, irritated, or affronted by others, to the point where almost anything anyone says can offend us. This is usually indicative that we have some work to do rather than expecting others to change or apologize for their behavior.
It might surprise us if we keep track of how often we experience being offended. We may realize that taking offense has become a recurring bad habit. Remember, not taking offense is a choice; perhaps not an easy one, but still a simple choice.
While we wish we can prevent others’ offending behavior or force them to apologize, the only thing we can control is our response. Live a life free of offense. Being offended may be inevitable but living offended is a choice. Choose wisely, forgive quickly and live freely!