Our culture is so obsessed with weight. Whats your BMI? Are you a size 0? Should you be eating those fries?
We do intermittent fasting, cut carbs and follow Paleo, Keto and Banting like groupies. We forget that it’s not so much what goes into our mouths, but what comes out of our mouths that differentiate us.
What we say (and how we say it) have tremendous power. Our words can either build up or break down. The saying “sticks and stones” never made much sense to me. Bruise-healing happen within days, but the effects of detrimental words seem almost irreversible.
They are evident all around us, people who were damaged by bullies, haltered by a teacher’s prediction or living with a victim demeanor due to a parent’s word wounds. The Bible teaches us “to not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”. Imagine a world, where we could weigh our words before we speak. Where we could go on a communication diet. What if we thought twice before we spoke? Intermittent fasting of criticism, negativism and abusive language? Cutting back on foul words, sarcasm, passive-aggressiveness and belittlement like we cut back on sugar.
We become so accustomed to the way we speak, that we seldom realize the effect it has on others. Like auto-pilot talk. Sometimes we say hurtful things or communicate in a specific way out of habit. Even our self-talk is detrimental. Some of us talk to ourselves like we would never talk to a colleague, friend or even an enemy.
Let’s break that unhealthy habit! Fast from oblivious words, discouraging communication habits and let’s feast on these balanced meals:
· Mindfulness
Don’t merely be alert during conversations but be mindful of your tendencies. Some people listen to answer, some shut down when they hear things that upset them and others simply use dismissive body language. Figure out what your communication weakness is and actively work at it. Friends, family and colleagues can provide helpful insight and feedback.
Write down what you would like to change so you can see it often and adjust the way you dialogue. I find it helpful to make post-it notes: I have an inclination to _____________________ but I will actively choose to ____________________.
· Interaction
Be involved in the dialogue. Demonstrate concern, make brief verbal affirmations like “I see” or “Sure”.
Be aware of the message you are sending non-verbally. Tone of voice, facial expressions, eyes, arm and hand gestures all add to 65% of the message we convey. The way you look, listen, react and gesture speaks far more about feelings than words will ever be able to.
· Two-way communication
Effective communication is a dialogue and not a monologue. Tennis is a great analogy for two-way communication, a conversation that goes back and forth. Here are 4 steps to follow for a winning Wimbledon match:
1. Focus on the other person and where they are coming from, not on what you are thinking and want to get across.
2. Allow sufficient time for the other person to speak. Listen more than you speak (2 ears, 1 mouth).
3. Pay attention to what is being said, and importantly, what is not being said.
4. Pose questions that facilitate two-way interaction and promotes understanding.
There is power in every word you speak. Make sure what comes out of your mouth has a positive impact. Your words create the reality you inhabit – use it well!
“Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.”