Why we think we’re awesome! And they’re not…
My son of five is a keen break-dancer. Unfortunately, he didn’t receive the talent to accompany his enthusiasm. He can kick a ball like you can’t believe, he is fearless on a mountain bike and he can even sing like someone who’s had professional training. But when it comes to dancing, my oh my. That doesn’t hold him back though! He dances like he’s the boss. But I reckon what he feels or how the dancing goes off in his mind is a totally different picture than the one we witness.
Have you ever spent time with someone who seems to misread a situation? Someone who is ignorant or oblivious on how they come across. They might be proud of the fact that they are straight shooters or ‘telling it like it is’, but others avoid them for their hurtful and insensitive remarks. Or maybe you know someone who believes they are dispensing wisdom, while they frequently bulldoze others with their strong opinions.
Self-awareness have been called the most important skill of the 21st century. The problem is that self-awareness is a scarce skill. According to self-awareness expert Dr. Tasha Eurich, 90% of people believe they are self-aware but only 15% of them actually are.
Self-awareness implies having a clear insight of your personality. This suggests that you know your strengths, weaknesses, values, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. Self-awareness assists you in determining how others perceive you, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment. Being self-aware allows you to understand yourself, others and your environment.
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3)
The easy answer to this is blind spots. We all have blind spots, those areas that others clearly see, but we can’t. The MacMillan Dictionary describes a blind spot as a subject that you do not understand well, often because you do not want to know or admit the truth about it. Our blind spots expose our weaknesses and imperfections, our vulnerabilities. This might be one of the reasons we prefer to ignore, rather than address them.
Most of us, are not purposefully sabotaging our goals and would like to correct our mistakes or address our shortcomings. The issue is that we do not see the real problem, as we often turn attention away from our characteristic errors and toward external culprits, as these are much easier to face.
4 ways to start recognizing your blind spots:
· Be alert
Start asking personal questions: why do I say this, why does this make me feel the way I do? Why did I respond that way?
· Ask!
Solicit feedback from people close to you. 360 degree platforms can be helpful. Ask for specific examples.
· Examine your past for patterns
Use feedback from mentors, friends and colleagues to identify positive & negative behavioral patterns.
· Spend time with a diverse group
Witness how others handle certain situations. Talk less & listen more. Be aware of your own and other’s conduct.
When we uncover our blind spots and actively work on being more self-aware, we become more conscious of our strengths and possible opportunities. We also become more aware of the boundaries we are operating within. We start seeing past mistakes as tools for growth and development of our characters. We stop doing what we always did. In short, we become better, happier, more relatable people.
The Zulu people greet each other with “sawubona” which literally means, I see you. Practice to not only see others, but to see yourself. See your behavior, see how people react to you, see how what you say light up a person, or bring them down. See the holistic you – strengths and vulnerabilities.
When we start seeing what other’s see, we might view ourselves in a different light. And possibly, them too. Who knows, they might be awesome, after all…?