As a little girl I signed all birthday cards with this quote: “Happiness is something you create in your mind, not something you search for but can’t seem to find.” And yet, the longer I’ve lived, the more I realize how many people are still frantically searching for that something that will make them happy.
While situations and circumstances might bring pleasure or joy for a moment, this feeling is usually not sustainable. Happiness is an inside job. I love Abraham Lincoln’s view on happiness “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
I have found these three habits crucial in maintaining happiness:
Let it go
They say offense is taken, not given. We all get offended. We all have been mistreated or unfairly judged. Left unaddressed, these wounds will wreak havoc in our lives, stealing our vitality and upsetting our happiness. Just as you can’t drink poison and expect your enemy to die, you can’t carry grudges and think it doesn’t affect you. It steals your peace, your lust for life, and it alters the way we view life in general.
A grudge is a heavy weight to carry around. To let it go is a choice. Sometimes a hard choice. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.
The longer we hold on to an offense or a wrong, the bigger it becomes. Usually resentment and bitterness follow. We become overwhelmed with the injustice.
Train your brain to let things go. There and then. Every day. Say it out loud: let it go. There are days that I remind myself “it doesn’t matter” at least ten times in a row. Letting go is not about the injustice, letting go is about who you choose to become.
Say no
We all need boundaries. There is no shame in saying “no.” And while most of us know this, it is ever so often the most difficult word to utter. For some, it comes quite naturally. If you are like me, it requires habitual practice. You may feel like you are letting someone down, but being able to say “no” is necessary for living life truthfully. It is a skill that will promote good emotional health and happiness.
Of course, we all must do things we don't want to do; that is just part of life. Don’t start saying ‘no’ to going to work or dropping kids off at school. But so many people agree to do things they do not even have to do, at the expense of things they need to do. Learning to say "no" is a life skill. You are the one mostly affected by the choices you make. You need to be responsible for you.
One of the wise men in my life has a saying, “distinguish between what is urgent and what is important.” When we say “no” to all the urgencies, we get to say “yes” to that which truly matters.
Take it slow
Being busy has become a status symbol for our time. These days people want to tell you how busy they are. People drive fast, walk fast, multi-task… all with determination in the destination. What’s the result of all this rushing? And what do we give up in the process? When we race from one thing to the next, we end up leading busy, mostly unproductive and insignificant lives.
Research suggests people are happier when they take time to appreciate the good things in life. When they put meaning back to their lives, they feel significant. When was the last time you took a vacation without your smart phone? Abstained from social media for a period of time?
When an old lady was asked why her weave work was so spectacular, while there are hundreds of other weavers in her town, her reply was simply: when I weave, I weave. There is so much wisdom in those five words. When I work on a presentation, I work on a presentation. When I prepare supper, I prepare supper. When I am with you, I am only with you. No distractions. No noise in my head. This moment might be all we ever have.. here and now.
Stop and smell the roses. Slow down, reconnect with people, and enjoy the life you were given. Live in the moment. Take deep breaths, listen to understand, look to really see and take time to merely take it all in. In the end it is the journey that counts.
We are only given one life. Live it to the fullest! Choose wisely. We become what we repeatedly do.