Just once I would like to stuff a dirty sock into the mouth of the person who first said; “It is what it is”. If there is a phrase that I loathe, this would be it. What a fatalistic, shrug-your-shoulders, awful approach. But recently I almost caught myself saying those exact 5 little words, which got me thinking…
It is probably not the statement that is so upsetting. It is more the victim mindset that frequently accompanies it. Nothing, I can do about it. Not my circus, not my monkeys. It is what it is. This phrase has become a siren song for millions of people who have accepted their lot without a cry of protest.
More than ever, society are faced with circumstances out of our control. We had to get used to working from home, wearing masks, social distancing, spending most hours indoors and redefining ‘normal’. So, I get the increasing tendency to declare that certain things are out of our control.
But let’s check our attitudes. If we use that statement because we’ve lost heart or want to abdicate any responsibility, it is a bad quote. If we use it to justify our discontentment with life, it is a poor choice of words. It shuts down any creative problem solving and concedes defeat.
If we use ‘it is what it is’ to say that there is not much that we can do about this BUT take ownership of ourselves, then it is a winning statement! As with most challenges, the single thing we can control, is our response.
3 healthy coping skills:
· Think out of the box
Find innovative ways to deal with a sticky situation. Do not get bogged down with the problem, actively search for creative solutions. Phone a friend! Someone else’s perspective might just be what you need. Asking for help is not a weakness, it shows maturity and a willingness to grow.
· Don’t just vent, learn to be content
Contentment is not a passive state. Contentment is being okay with where one is today. How do we practice contentment? Have a positive attitude, take every day as it comes, learn from the challenges, and overcome as we take one step at a time. Like most things in life, contentment is a choice - cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
· A good laugh heals a lot of hurts
Research found that making light of something is a more effective coping strategy than stoicism. People with a sense of humor tend to be more likely to see their environment as less threatening, which leads to experiencing less stress in their lives. There is a strong correlation between humor and character strengths like the ability to cope with stress, wisdom, and the love of learning. So turn that frown upside down; as Proverbs reveals “All the days of the afflicted are bad, but a glad heart has a continual feast”.
The next time you feel the “it is what it is” phrase on the tip of your tongue, stop and think whether you really mean to say it. Our words have the power to heal, encourage and inspire, not only our actions but those around us.