Once upon a time, in a land far away, lived a Prince who fought ferociously for the love of his life. He defeated dragons, crossed oceans, and conquered kingdoms. His love astounded her, he made her his Princess and they lived happily ever after.
So, we are told…
But reality is dreams shatter, marriages fail, knights abuse their sleeping beauties, cancer infiltrates breasts, racism divides, corporations downsize, families implode, and tears fall. And our brilliantly planned fairy tale does not have the ending we dreamt of. Sometimes, it does not even have the start we hoped for. At some point, we all take a hit - no one escapes hardship or setbacks. Sometimes life will knock you down: circumstances and situations will overwhelm us. There is a saying: you are a product of your circumstances. And while that is true, we are also products of our choices, our decisions, our attitude. You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to what happens to you.
Responsible people take charge of themselves, their behavior, and the consequences. They do not look outside themselves to be rescued, but rather search within for a solution. To be responsible entails to be able to respond to life, people, and events. Self-responsibility suggest you recognize the importance to take what is in front of you, make a choice, and gain control: a choice not dependent on anyone else’s actions.
You might never get the excuse you deserve; they may not ever see it your way, the bad behavior may continue. But how you respond to it, is what differentiates you.
Put forth the greatest possible effort to live a self-responsible and proactive life. It frees you from a fatalistic, apathetic, and responsive way of living. It puts you back in the driver’s seat.
Here are my top 5 tips for being self-responsible:
1. Remember you are not a victim
Self-pity is our worst enemy. Nothing good comes from veering into the belief that everyone else caused your misery and nothing you do will ever make a difference.
2. Let go of expectations
Acknowledge your disappointments. Free others from the burden of trying to make you feel happy and content. Stop living the “I’ll be happy when” life. John Piper’s wisdom carries me through difficult times: ‘Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.’
3. Look for the silver lining
Train your mind to see the good in every situation. It is not so much what we are looking at that matters, but what we see. Focus on the positive, look for opportunities. Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.
4. Stop blaming or complaining
Finding fault in everyone else and blaming others, is a defense mechanism that helps you avoid responsibility for your own behavior. If you recognize that your default reaction is to shift the blame and complain, it might be a sign of negative self-esteem. Investigate your need to point the finger and abdicate responsibility.
5. Be conscious of your thoughts, words & actions
Anything and everything you do is your choice. Remind yourself that every moment presents an opportunity to monitor your opinions because what you think about, you bring about.
Learn to master the one thing you can control: yourself. Victor Frankl once said “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Use your space wisely.